The spirit of Christmas is lost on Bishop Nick

More than 350 years ago, Oliver Cromwell, that well-known party animal, banned Christmas. He even decreed that traditional fare such as plum pudding and mince pies were heathen. His spirit lives on.
Today, it is not just school nativity plays that are being replaced by "winter concerts" to appease the politically correct. Even the Christmas carol is under attack – and from an Anglican bishop, for heaven's sake. The Right Reverend Nick Baines, the Bishop of Croydon, has mocked some of our most popular carols as "embarrassing". He accuses them of fostering "Victorian sentiment" and – worst of all – says they are "inaccurate". 

Dear me. Never let it be said that Christianity swerves from the exact and literal truth. At Holy Family junior school in Swindon, I happily swallowed the Book of Genesis notion that God created the world in six days and needed a day off on the seventh to catch up on his sleep.
Ignoring the fact that the Bible itself can be seen as at least partly metaphorical, the bishop scorns the whole point of Silent Night – my favourite carol – on the basis that the stable in which Jesus was born would not have been quiet. Well, yes, I grant he has a point. The cattle were probably not impressed by the birth of Christ, and I'm sure that their noisy production of methane gas continued unabated during the visit by the three Kings. Perhaps that's why fragrant frankincense and myrrh were so prized. Would Bishop Nick prefer a carol about that?
In his book Why Wish You A Merry Christmas?, which he wrote for the Church of England , Bishop Nick also chastises those sentimentalists among us who love Away in a Manger. "How can any adult sing this without embarrassment?" he asks. He particularly objects to the line "No crying he makes", because – well, you can guess.
Luckily, in my altar boy days, I paid no attention to the accuracy of the carols I sang. And I sang them solo, much to the mirth of the classmates who I can still see pulling faces in the pews to try to make me laugh. Sadly, I was not to be an Aled Jones, because my voice broke when I was 10, ending my all-too-brief experience of winning end of the pier talent shows.
Despite the bishop, I'm already making plans to go to the Christmas carol concert in my local church. I will be loudly singing all those lyrics that don't make historical or ecclesiastical sense, not least because the nativity is one of the best stories ever written.
Sentimentality and colourful contradictions are part of our heritage. The Bishop of Croydon should do himself a favour: lighten up, or better still, just accept that not everyone sings from the same songsheet.
* Did you hear Radio 4's Saturday play A Family Affair, which told the story of Margaret Thatcher's last traumatic days in power? It was written by Michael Dobbs, who was one of her chief lieutenants at Conservative Central Office. It was compelling stuff, and highlighted the pivotal role of the late Sir Denis in telling the baroness it was time to go. Over lunch with Lady T the other day – she was in sparkling form – I told her the play concluded that Denis was the real reason she decided to quit. "Oh," she said brightly. "I think you'll find one or two members of my Cabinet had already suggested it."
* In the true spirit of bah humbug, campaigners in Austria have banned Father Christmas. They claim that the jolly bearded man, who brings presents and joy to children around the world, is an invention of Coca-Cola and synonymous with commercialism. They prefer a "Christ-child", a tiny blond baby, who brings a candle-lit tree and gifts to children before dinner on Christmas Eve. I'm sorry, but it sounds more like a scene from the Omen to me.